I’ve been questioning so much of my purpose lately. Maybe I have officially become boring that the thought of going out on a Friday makes me feel heavy on the insides because I’d want to spend my time doing something worthwhile early the following day, like exercise or do charity instead of wasting Friday night away in booze and drugs with friends to make the best of my ‘20s. When have I become so uptight and old lady like? Is it because its only days till I officially reach the quarter of my life? I’m turning 25 on April 29. I have yet to really delve in and ask myself what can I do with my time to make me happier?
I got myself involved in charity today. I went to a hospice care foundation. The foundation is involved in providing free care and medicine to patients who are terminally ill. I thought, hey I’m not doing anything better with my life aside from working hard to provide for myself and starting to take care of my health by boxing, why not help others by lending them my emotional support? So I went with a group of nurses, a doctor and one volunteer to visit 3 terminally ill patients. We visited Norma first. She has tongue cancer that caused the right side if her cheek to bloat so much. She could speak but only in sounds that no one but her could understand. Looking at her picture before the illness, I saw a very healthy woman with plenty of meat in her bones. Now that her tongue causes her so much pain, it prevents her from eating and the once healthy woman in the photograph was reduced to an old lady in skin and bones. Norma looked happy though. She has accepted her fate and I’m glad that we didn’t have a hard time with her. It was almost the same with the other 2 patients.
I want to reflect and ask myself, did I feel better about my life and did I think this was part of my purpose? I do feel that I am lucky compared to these patients. They live in run down houses and small neighborhoods that looks like it will be unsafe at night. They are going to die while I have my whole life to live. I just think I am helpless in these situations. I am 24 and struggling financially. Maybe if I were rich I’d provide these patients with all these medicines while giving my emotional support. I do feel better but I did not feel like it was a grand thing to do for most of my Saturdays. I was talking to my boyfriend about charity and I love that he always gives me insights and enlightens me with things. So what is the best charity? It’s giving people businesses. The opportunity for trade and not aid. You teach a man how to fish not to just give him fish. Capitalism which provides us with more businesses is what gives people more jobs. So what do I plan to do now? I’m not completely cancelling out the hospice care. I mean, I’d like to lend my helping hand and presence to the patients, but what I’d love to do now is put up my own business. It’s shooting two birds with one stone. It’ll make others have jobs which will teach individuals to fend for themselves and learn plus it will also help me understand making the best charity while earning a living that will enable me to grasp the best things in life.